Thursday, May 15, 2008


When I was a teenager I looked forward to growing up because I thought all my troubles would be over. Not that I really have any troubles now. What I mean is that I always struggled with things personally.. like procrastination... or disliking how I looked (needing to exercise more and so forth) and other things that always torment me.

But as I've grown older I've come to realize that those things aren't going to go away.. maybe ever. What does that mean? Will it ever be easier? Maybe it's a muscle memory thing and as we keep fighting back the flesh it will be easier to fight back as the muscles get stronger? But... it never really goes away does it?

I don't know that my normal solution is very helpful though. Normally I torment myself about something to sort of whip me into shape. What is it like to do things just because you really want to? I'll feel like I want to do something (some project or music) and I won't because of something else that I need to do, but then I don't do that thing that I need to do usually and end up doing nothing. Silly.. I know.

.. Maybe there should be a sort of balance to doing fun things and doing things that need to be done. Does the Bible talk about "balance"? I always heard that I needed balance in my life when I was a teenager (That I shouldn't spend all day doing primarily one thing till it was done.) It's really hard for me to do stuff when I only have short amounts of time for things. But is "balance" the answer? Maybe if I stopped tormenting myself about what I should or "shouldn't" do and just enjoyed what I can or can't do I'd be happier...

--- As I was typing this, Renna spit up on me and then grinned like she'd given me a special gift.. or like it was a practical joke. Cracks me up.

uhh.. where was I? Oh yes, torment. Right.

I'm sure it's annoying to the people around me when I'm so often trying to eliminate distractions and try to improve my life all the time. I guess I figure that things can always be better because I'm not perfect. I wonder if I wasn't so tempted by electronics (eg. computer, blogging, facebook, movies, phone, etc.) that I could use my time more wisely? I'm sure I could use my time just as poorly even without those things though... because the problem is mostly just me.

*shrug* I don't know...

My house smells weird because I'm cooking beans. (That might be the most profound thing I've said.)


Youssef said...

I don't think it's *the* most profound thing you've said... but beans and smell - it's pretty profound.

As comfortable as we are with blaming our problems on external things, we come to the point where we realize God brought us to these obstacles. They are our special gifts, in a way.
I often lamented I was not born in the 13th century. But God chose me for this century. Why? If I wanted to, I could blame the problems in my life on the time-period I live in. However, God knows the truth: I was chosen for these problems (the inverse, actually) and God can give us the solution.

Daniel and Natalie said...

I know the feeling Lynne' It is so easy to beat yourself up about how we spend our time.I keep telling myself that if I never do anything with my life but succesfully raise a couple of children for the Lord and make a good wife for my husband then I won't be ashamed. But is always seems like there should be more? Created to do good works which have been prepared for us. What are those?! I guess its about being sensitive to the Lord in the midst of our families. Keeping Him in the forefront...not easy. I probably should have put this on your facebook...oh well! Love Ya, Natalie

Heather said...

Romans 7:15-20 says:
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

This is relevant in that I too "do what I do not want to do" and neglect what I should be doing sometimes. It is the sinful nature and unfortunately, it IS something we will deal with for the rest of our lives in this mortal flesh. Thankfully, we will receieve our new bodies someday and my understanding is that this struggle we have will be over. Yeah...something to look forward too...but in the meantime, we battle on!

Lynne' said...

I was actually thinking a lot about that verse after I wrote this post.. mainly just contemplating it I guess.. and thinking about something that Youssef said to me one time. He said that if I didn't have struggles than I wouldn't need to lean on God to help me. So, even though we aren't happy about our struggles we can rejoice even in them because they are bringing us closer to God. We have to lean on His strength to take us through each day. That was really encouraging to me. :)

Heather said...

Yes, indeed, we need the Lord in this hectic Mommy lifestyle for sure! David said to me the other day that perhaps I have been given these recent two to keep my mind focused on him as in my own strength I can't manage it all myself. We were discussing how children best respond to discipline when we don't respond super emotionally at the time. But we also discussed that that "inner calm" doesn't come from just thinking calm thoughts, but from keeping our eyes on the Lord and allowing him to bring the calmness to the situation. I am still working on this. I tend to blow my top a lot, especially when Josiah is not obeying and ends up hitting or upsetting one of the babies. This happens rather often. :( But I am learning too, it just takes self control on my part to react appropriately and not get too mad....firm, but not out of control, you know? Anyway, I will pray for you if you will pray for me OK?