Monday, June 16, 2008

Self-discovery

I was told recently that when I talk about problems that I struggle with or ideas that I have to help myself do things better or whatever, that it sounds like I'm not so much talking about myself but telling other people what they should do.

I didn't realize that I sounded like that. I'm sure I did that on purpose when I was younger. I think that's kind of juvenile to do that on purpose though. I remember when I was going to a public school part time in Jr High people would say things like that and they were usually really poignant and obvious that they were talking about me to my face without talking about me (like as obvious as what color shirt I'm wearing and them saying "I hate it when 'people' wear paisley shirts. Don't you think that makes them look awful?" And I'd look down and see my paisley shirt... no one said that of course, but that's how obvious it always was. I think that's a way for girls to be "nice" to each other, but I think it would probably be kinder to either not say anything or tell them directly. Youssef is nodding right now and saying that THAT is why guys are less complicated. ;) I really hate that feeling and don't want other people to feel like that on account of my talking too much, so this will be the last personal blog entry for quite a while... or ever... This last discovery though actually does have to do with other people so here it goes. (It's nothing bad about other people though of course.)


When I was at my grandma's last week I realized something from how she acts. She's really a wonderful artistic person. She's sewn all her life and is really amazing at it. She painted (oil) for a while and has these fantastic pictures. Now she's especially into quilting and for the last 14 years has won prizes for this contest at least 6 times and she didn't enter every year. I forgot to ask how many people enter the contest but it sounded like quite a lot. Anyway, when I was there I was scrapbooking and most of the time they were working on their quilting projects (my great aunt was there too). My grandma hasn't scrapbooked but, like I said, is really artistic and she does have definite opinions about things (which of course has served her well as she's won so many prizes and so forth). Anyway, she was giving me some advice about what I should do. Sometimes I'd asked her opinion and sometimes she'd just give suggestions without my asking. I was starting to feel a little sensitive though and as if I HAD to take her advice and I almost felt like putting the project away.

So, my self discovery was that I do the same thing and didn't realize how I sound to other people.

Now, I know that she was only giving ideas because what I was doing was interesting to her, and I realized that I tend to give more advice about artistic stuff when I really like what the person has already done. Sometimes I just give ideas to just give ideas, but I realized how off-putting that can sound and I had no idea I sounded like that. After the layout was pretty well done my Grandma said that she liked it and admitted that she wasn't sure about it when I started. And the thing with scrapbooking unlike some other crafts is that it really does look odd at first when you pull all these papers and random things out to figure out what you want to do, and then go to put something together. Actually, I've thought that about other peoples layouts sometimes, but the thing is that no one can tell what the person is thinking and generally the project turns out wonderfully. I really wouldn't want people to follow all my advice because then I'd never get new ideas from them! I'm always searching for new ideas too! I do like it when other people have ideas to give me, but I realized that sometimes you have to let the person have their own ideas. When I have a definite plan it just really throws me off when someone suggests a completely different route, but on the other hand if I don't know how I want to do something than any idea is really great and helpful for a jump start.

I'm sure that practically everyone who is reading this is probably thinking I'm talking about something I said to them. .. but more likely I've made ALL of my friends feel like this at one point, and I just wanted to explain and apologize and tell all of you that I'll try not to give too much advice anymore. And IF I can't help myself I want you to know that it's because whatever you are doing is really neat and my advice is my way of getting into the awesome creativity that you are encircled in. :)


The other little self discovery that I had while I was away is that I talk about EVERYTHING! I'm home by myself with the girls so much that when I was around other adults I realized that I was saying absolutely everything that came into my head (pretty much) even if it really had no relevance to anyone else. Random, dumb things even like "Huh, I need to cut my fingernails." I interrupt terribly too and when it's not even about anything interesting.. I realized how off-putting that is for other people too. So.. combine all that I've already said in this post with my being somewhat shy around new people and there you have why I don't have many good friends in Spokane, and we've lived here for four years. I know it's my own fault and at least now with the "self-discovery" that I've had I can hopefully get better. Youssef is so patient with me that he hardly ever tells me how terrible I come across. He's so helpful too that I'm really spoiled and tell him to do things too much. Although I've been telling him to sit down lately because he'll be running around the house picking toys up or doing dishes (I'm usually nursing or reading to the kids or something while he does that)... and.. I'd like him to just sit with us. The house really CAN wait, but like I've said in some other post before, I need to also get better at keeping up with the house so he can feel like he can rest.

I'd better stop rambling. I'm really paranoid now that who ever reads this will think I'm talking about them and not just my own failings and then will be mad at me. I'm kind of sad... I've probably always been offending people and never knew it. Maybe I should take a vow of silence? hmm.. like that would work. ;)

Now that I read back over this I'm more paranoid that something that I've said will be offensive in some way and that I should have just not said anything about my problems... well.. I'll post this and then after Youssef reads it I'll delete it later...

8 comments:

Rebekah said...

I enjoyed reading this...I want you to know though, that though I have noticed these things about you from time to time, they are not things that keep me from wanting to be friends or get together with you! Everyone has their faults, y'know? It's always easier (for me, at least) to notice other people's faults rather than my own. I know that my friends have probably noticed my faults more than I ever have...hope I can have my own self-discovery! And please don't take a vow of silence! :-)
Hope we can get together soon.

Youssef Sleiman said...

Well... actually.. I DID get a bunch of hot dogs and buns for that occasion when you all would want to BBQ with us!

Youssef Sleiman said...

Oh.. and that was also Lynne'... so confusing.

Rachel said...

Your grandma sounds like a cool person! So I guess seeing some of her personality traits in yourself wouldn't be the worst thing. ;) Also, I don't mind when you give me advice on scrapbooking and stuff. I'll take it or leave it and don't really worry beyond that. ;)

Lynne' said...

She IS really cool and fun too. I got a little spoiled being down there because there were so many people to hold the baby for me and Jonathan to play with Lily that the only time I had to be a mom was mainly just for naps and meals.. not a big deal. ;)

Heather said...

Dear sweet Lynne! How I emphasize with your situation. I also think out loud and many times use too many words and/or offend people in a similar way. I have also in many situations "vowed silence evermore" many a time. Here's the thing though, you are who you are and the "taking a vow of silence" thing, though a valiant effort is not realistic. However, choosing to listen more and speak less is valuable and so rather than being so extreme (I do the same thing by the way...go to extremes) just focus on listening to people as they share and you can usually tell if they want advice or your opinion after hearing them. I have a friend who pre-empts everything I may or may not say. Such as, "I hate it when other mother's say this and such about their chidren..." so I make a mental note not to share "this and such" with her. Anyway, surely we can all benefit from James 1:19
"...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..." Incidentally, I would like to point out that those who are quick to become angry with other people are also at fault here too, not just those that speak too much or listen too little. I will pray that God will give you the wisdom when to share and when not to share. I think it is WONDERFUL that you share your heart with us here on the blog and I would be sad if you never did that again. Perhaps if you want to share, you can email me instead if you don't want to post 'cause I appreciate your transparency in sharing your struggles and am not offended in the least bit. Blessings to you my dear sister and I will pray that God will give you wisdom as to when to listen and when to or when not to speak and I hope you will pray the same prayer for me as well!
Love,
Heather

Daniel and Natalie said...

Sister mine, Many is the night I have talked Daniel's leg off about anything and everything simply to be getting some adult conversation (and by conversation I do mean my doing all the talking :) Of course my favorite time to do this is right when Daniel is trying to fall asleep and inevitably I realize I've been talking to myself for like the last ten minutes! Oh well, at least I get some of it out on someone who's already unconscious instead of making them unconscious with my incoherent mommy babbling. Bwahahah! Anyways, just know that I do appreciate your sharing even when I feel like your telling me what to do sometimes. Its not a failing, its just a personality type and a way of speaking and how else would I know what your learning about and what works for you that might work for me? Listening however is also a wonderful skill can always be cultivated with care. Love to you and thanks for sharing these lessons with us. Natalie

Lynne' said...

Yeah.. there's probably some nice balance between listening first and then sharing when appropriate that I should focus on. ;)

My Mom was saying too that you can even say something like "You look really pretty today!" And the person can take it the wrong way and ask if they didn't look nice the day before. So.. I guess Heather is right about it not being all my fault about what I say, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't strive to be a better friend and so forth.

I really didn't write this though to get sympathy from everyone, but I'm glad you all care! (And of course that you all don't hate me for being an opinionated-know-it-all! ha, ha..) ;)