Tuesday, January 25, 2011

For those of you that might not know...

At the beginning of January.. Tuesday the 4th (on Lily's 5th birthday) to be exact, Youssef lost his job. It had been a torturous one because of how the boss treated him and in many ways was a relief. Yet, the pressure of taking care of a family in a new city without as much support as we had in Washington (and more expenses) made the relief a bit short lived.

Youssef is using the time well though and working toward becoming a teacher and taking the tests necessary to be qualified (besides applying to many jobs.) We've been in some pretty tough spots before, and God has always taken us through them and I know He is faithful, but I also know that the more honest we are with where we are the more you all can be praying for us. Unemployment won't pay enough since it is taking a percentage of what Youssef earned as a reporter (and we couldn't afford to live on that then.. remember we were in my parents basement at that time?), but we'll be trying to get WIC and food stamps set up so we can eat at least.

I don't think we can last very long at this rate without him having a job of some kind though (perhaps another month?) and he's applied to other jobs besides teaching to get something.

I'd already bought the tickets to visit my family this month so we couldn't do anything about that to save the money, and I've enjoyed my time here of course. Especially knowing that it will be quite a while before I'll get to visit again considering that our new baby will be coming in April and our finances won't be able to handle another trip any time this year for sure.

I've been told that I've handled the move quite well which surprises me. I don't often "feel" like I'm handling it well, it's easy to get depressed being away from my family and friends (especially being pregnant)... and now it feels almost harder in many ways because of the job loss. I try not to think about it too much and I'm embroidering a crazy quilt block that I've designed to fit my thoughts and feelings about Dallas TX. Often people want other people to just "be fine" or "get over" things. That's really not possible though to just get over something right away. I know moving is a process and I'm working through it. Even moving from one place to another in the same town took an adjustment period and some depression to go through. I know it will take me a bit to come to terms with where we are even though I was the one who really made this move happen, but.. that's all right because it was never about me. I know I can make a home anywhere, but Youssef can't find his favorite job anywhere and that's what we are doing... working toward Youssef's dreams. All of this is good and right and a process and the crazy quilt block is just another way that I'm working through my own feelings on the matter.

BUT, the point of this post was simply to ask for prayer about Youssef's job search and courage and faith right now.

For me it's mainly what I've needed prayer for already, which is to be able to see and enjoy the bright side of the move and the pregnancy and where I am right now... to not get focused on the negative things, but to keep trusting God in all of this and encouraging the girls and Youssef. I feel lonely pretty often and out of place... and as much as I hate being pregnant, I'm looking forward to the birth and having a newborn again. Definitely won't be "lonely" then right? ;]

I'm thankful that Lily is so helpful with Renna and am not too worried about what they'll do while I'm in labor and so forth since they can be pretty independant. I'm thankful that Youssef has taken a hold of the direction for his career and really knows what he wants to do and is working towards it step by step. I'm thankful for our next little girl that is coming and for the few baby things that I still have to use for her. I'm REALLY thankful that my hips aren't killing me this time.. that I haven't once felt like collapsing under the pain as I felt with Renna (because my hip would constantly pop out and because I fractured my pelvis when I was about 7 months along with her) I'm thankful for feeling so much better (overall) in this pregnancy. I still can't say it's "easy" or "fun" by any means, but it's tolerable and helped by exercise and eating better and so forth. I'm thankful for my time in washington and for Lily getting a chance to play with all her little friends and her cousins, and for seeing Renna greet everything and everyone like her long lost best friend. I've loved seeing Renna and her little cousin Sophie play together and hold hands (which they didn't do four months ago!) It's so sweet how they play together now that they are just a little bit older.

I'm thankful for Lily and Renna growing closer and relying on each other.... for Lily's eagerness to do school and for Renna joining in! I'm thankful for our cat Milo who gives Lily someone to take care of (and annoy at times)... for my computer so I can write on facebook to my Mom and sister-in-law and other friends that live far away. For our apartment and our table where we sit together and play games. I'm thankful for this new book that I bought for a few cents that I'm looking forward to reading on the plane ride home.

I am looking forward to "Lego nights" again with the girls and Youssef.. and our game nights of course.. and scrapbooking like a crazy woman to get caught up before the baby is born. (I have a bit over two months to get over a year and a half done... I can do it!) I'm really enjoying the crazy quilt blocks and have 10 done. Yes.. that's 10 out of at least 42... it sounds like a lot until you know how many I'm supposed to have to finish the quilt. The great thing about it though is that it's just fun and for me.. I don't have to sell it or impress anyone.. I get to just enjoy doing it! Too often I feel like I can't just do something for my own family or just because I enjoy it... it always seems like someone out there will see it and tell me how much money I could make selling it. *sigh* Talk about a creativity killer.. that phrase will depress me every time. BUT, it's not for sale. No, I take that back.. I'd sell each block for $1,000 each... maybe... besides the work they take there's a lot of sentimental value in them... Yeah, I think there are at least 3 that I wouldn't even part with for 1,000 each.

I'm really looking forward to being near Youssef again. As much as I miss Washington and my family and friends and the places that I'm comfortable with here and really so many things that make this place feel like "home"... I'd rather be wherever Youssef is. Eventually, Dallas will feel more like home as well and I won't feel so torn in what I want and where I want to be... eventually Youssef will be a teacher and our plan to visit here in the summers will be all worked out... eventually I won't be pregnant and my discomfort right now will feel worth it all when I hold my baby... "Eventually" feels like a long way away sometimes.. but perhaps it's just around the corner. :]