Old Grief

I've been thinking about grieving recently and felt like sharing some thoughts.

It never actually goes away does it.  The sadness might not be sharp anymore, like a broken bone's piercing pain, and tears may not randomly come at a surprising moment with a passing thought, but it never fully leaves.

I wonder how much grief changes a person?  If a loss was restored, would it be possible to be as happy as if it never happened?  I honestly don't know.  Maybe there would always be that seed of sadness in experiencing a loss that might stay hidden but always present?

Over time, sad painful memories that once brought sudden tears and pain, bring wistful sadness no longer visible to the outside world.

The outside world forgets or doesn't care, but whatever your grief is, it is not less important or less painful based on outside opinion.  Our culture doesn't have any room for grieving properly.  It's uncomfortable and annoying to others and we cannot change that, but we can give ourselves permission to feel sad if we need to.  We can give value to our own grief no matter how "big" or "small" it seems to others.

The Bible study I'm going through this week "The names of God" was all about his name "Prince of Peace"

- the verses were Luke 2:8-14
John 14:25-27
Philippians 4:6-7
Hebrews 13:20-21

And the last was John 16:31-33  Part of that one is this ".... These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

Most of us I'm sure have a personal grief or pain of some kind that can be overwhelming, then add onto that the pain and struggles of friends, then add the problems of the world that we can't do enough about to make truly better.  It's overwhelming until we realize that God didn't ask us to fix the world.

I see posts about making America a "Christian Nation again" and can only think how that completely misses the point.  Our view of peace on earth isn't possible because if we gave this a description it would sound like heaven - no wars, no fighting, loving each other, food for everyone, no sin, or pain, or tears, and everyone treated fairly.  Our frustration with not seeing this heaven on earth NOW causes us to miss out on seeing that peace on earth HAS come.

Jesus wasn't the political earthly ruler they were hoping for to bring about change, yet his kingdom has come and there is peace on earth now.  John 14:27 Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

In grieving I think there can also be worry along with the sadness and there can be a feeling of not getting something that we deeply want.  Some of our deep desires won't be fulfilled till heaven, but does that mean that God doesn't want to hear about these things?  In grief I think we can begin to think that the things we desire aren't important to God.

In the Bible study this week they focused on Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  But the verse right before this one I actually heard a little bit about in a sermon this week on Ecclesiastes.  Verse 6 which is "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." The sermon that touched on this verse was talking about the "requests" part.  That God DOES want to hear what we desire and that he is a good Dad.  He says yes as much as he can.  Many people have the view of God that he is the strict  "no" Dad, but that's not the case.  He says no or wait when it's best for us, but he does want us to have good things and is preparing heaven for us.  On this earth his "yes" might be comfort and peace and something better than what we ask if the thing we desire isn't good for us at the moment.  The point though is that He DOES care and he does want us to request things of Him. 

He delights in His children.  He delights in you, and He cries with us when we cry.

Backing up even farther to verse 4 it says, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice..."  Which could be the band aid verse that has been slapped onto a grieving person.  Perhaps you've been deeply sad and someone threw that verse at you?  As I ponder this verse and look back at my own life.  The times I couldn't rejoice in my circumstances or grief, yet, if I think about it.  I can always rejoice in the Lord.  It doesn't mean I'm always happy, but rejoicing in the hope of heaven and rejoicing in the peace He offers right now on this earth is possible.

People use this "rejoice always" verse out of their discomfort to try to make the other person happy again.  Unfortunately it turns into loading guilt onto them and making them feel like they aren't allowed their grief and sadness.  Or it feels like a short cut to the end of grief because people want to get it over with.  "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."  We can rejoice always in the Lord because he is walking through that valley of shadow with us.  Other people often do not want to or simply can't.  They throw band aid verses at us, hoping to short circuit that trip through the valley so they can meet us at the end and skip the hard part.

Rather than getting upset with these people though, I want to encourage you, as well as myself, that it's not up to them to walk this valley.  Our Prince of Peace cares and grieves with us.

"Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

School at a park day!

 Our spur of the moment trip to the park to do school time last week!  I set a timer for 15 minutes and had them play for 15 minutes and then come do some school for 15 minutes.  We were there about 3 hours and they had a blast and we even got stuff done!

 These pictures are both the "in process" ones while they were off playing.  I got to do my own relaxing coloring while they ran around and played.  :)

These are the things I brought for me!  My Mom journal and some other books and a magazine.  I colored and read and rested most of the time.

Curious to see more of the inside of the mom journal?  These were the prettiest pages, but there's just many that I didn't do an awesome job on.  Keepin' it real.  ;)  Some of the ones in the picture above my girls helped a little with before they got their own journals and coloring books.

One of the pages and writing down some thoughts about their school while I colored.  Also, that chocolate right there is fabulous!  It's sweetened with stevia and is surprisingly good.  :)

The other little book that I had pictured up there was called "How to Homeschool" which might seem like a not helpful thing if you've been homeschooling a while, but it's actually lovely for anyone who is homeschooling or who wants to homeschool and is at any stage in this journy.  She talks about the stages of authentic learning and while her books can help you get there you can take the info she offers and use it with any curriculum you already like.  There's spaces to write down and help you think about your kids school.  All the pictures can be colored so you can use it as a lovely coloring book while you think and plan.  I'm not great at making lists so the artistic aspect of it combined with writing down lists or ideas was helpful for me because I didn't start freaking out like I normally would about planning!

Another page, I took this because I got to thinking about how someone might think they don't have time to color all these little details on the page.  Enter the Prisma colored pencils and smudging with them.  Really, just add color where ever and it looks beautiful and hardly takes any time yet gives a little point in time of rest.  I love making borders of color on my favorite pages.

My 9 year olds chosen four books (the ones on the bottom) to go with her kitty doodle book.  She told me her Kitty Doodle book is her favorite school book ever.

My 7 year old's chosen four books at the bottom there to go with her Bunny Journal.  And her colored pencil box and markers are in this picture as well.

 I'm learning a great thing about my middle daughter and how I can help her learn to be diligent and do her best.  The picture below is one that she did in her "100 Easy Bible verses" book and as you can see it didn't start out so well.  While she was writing though I started to draw the lines of color at the top and talked to her.  She seemed to relax more and had less of an attitude about "I can't" and actually started trying to do her best.  We talked about the verse and other things and I keep telling my girls when they say "I can't." I say, "You can't YET." And smile and talk about all the things I can't do YET.  ;)  Or the things I couldn't do UNTIL I learned how to do them.

 She is now saying that she wants to be an artist and diligently worked through coloring these pages below with tracing paper (she was copying pictures from her favorite books) and this is a big deal for her because she tends to not want to finish something or she'll just want to do it quick, but she colored the WHOLE page of each!  When we work through the "Fun-School Journals" I encourage them to color as much of their page as I can get them to do.  Sometimes I give advice or show them more ways they can add color or just show them what I do on my own pages.

The 4 year old's "Fun-Schooling" with her chosen four books above.

 She's been so excited about this that ever since last Thursday when it came in the mail she's brought it to me practically first thing in the mornings!  Saturday we did a few pages while I was still in bed. 

Here she's picking out some books from the shelves in the background.  I've got it organized so the shelf on the left is all the library books (that change pretty often) and the middle is a lot of books that are early reader types and others they can all read on their own if they want to (some of those are library ones as well) and the right shelf has the oldest's books at the top, middle in the middle, and the 4 year old's at the bottom (to go with their Fun-school journals.) 

 I have another BIG bookshelf upstairs with even more books, but this helps us not get too overwhelmed to organize it like the picture is above.  (Also have a couple cupboards full of school books and another full large shelf of school supplies in the dinning room.)

Some coloring the littlest did with her "Thinking Time"- I am still doing this with her since she's young enough that she's not able to figure it out on her own quite yet.  It probably won't take long though!

Some of the coloring on the left page my 4 year old and I did together.  We talked and I'm noticing that by doing this there's less chatting in bed at night when they are supposed to be going to sleep!  I guess some extra chat time in the day is helpful that way.  Also, it's less stressful for me to chat during the day while coloring and doing school than at bedtime when I'm all worn out!

She's been asking me how to spell words and she wants to darken the lines when I write a word lightly for her!  My oldest was so resistant to writing and reading that it's weird almost to see this initiative!

 Sunday we stayed home because the little two were sick and my youngest wanted to do more of her school!  Well, the page she happened to be on was the "watch a documentary or educational show" page.  She chose "Super Why" and all by herself she paused Netflix to write down the "super letters" on her page.

 She colored her page as well and her sister joined her.  I turned on Fantasia while they did more coloring and they got some good inspiration.  ;)

One of my favorite things about these journals is that my girls are doing so much on each page instead of just getting it all over with. It's clear that they are enjoying the Journals!  Also don't underestimate coloring, especially if you are dealing with emotional kids.  Coloring is calming for all of us and it helps us think and develop diligence and pen control and strengthens our creative muscles as they choose all sorts of different colors to draw a picture.

I really think you could use these along with or incorporated with other curriculum choices, OR you could use a book like this for the summer time to help them keep their brains working but still have freedom with what they are doing.  For a summer thing it could be to do so many journal pages before any screen time is allowed for instance.  :)

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If you haven't thought of this yet I must emphasize to NOT point out when a child doesn't get "everything in the lines" and not make rules about coloring the pictures realistically.  If they want to color the bunny purple.. why not?  Really.  Maybe it's a dream bunny?   

Imposing our own ideas of what something should look like on another artist isn't encouraging at all.  

It's okay to give ideas, but it's vital to accept how they choose to draw something.  We don't want our kids to give up.  Art is a skill just like any other and I think it's so sad when people say that they can't draw.  Or aren't artistic.  We are created in God's image, which means we all ARE creative because He is!  Sure, it comes out differently in all of us, but putting value judgements is what we need to avoid.  Encouraging whatever they want to create and celebrating their hard work is the most important thing.
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 Last week everyone wanted to make pizza and I thought I'd mix one recipe with our usual gluten free pizza crust recipe.  Trying to figure out how to make the crust a little more fluffy and less chewy while still keeping it relatively easy to do!  While I was rolling out the dough I asked my 9 year old to write down our new ingredients in our DIY Cooking Journal that we'd added to the recipe.  AND SHE DID!

Top left is the pizza by the 7 year old.  It's quite fancy. ;)  Bottom left is by the 4 year old and bottom right by the 9 year old!

 Perhaps I should explain something about why it's so significant that my 9 year old wrote down what I told her to write down - it's because she's been so resistant to writing for so long!  Also, even this last summer if I told her how to write something she wouldn't hear me or she'd hear wrong or she'd forget how one letter or another looked and couldn't spell the word even if I was spelling it out loud for her to write down.

Also, understand that she is very sweet and willing to do things that I ask her to do, so it hasn't been the lack of trying like her younger sister was going through.  All the "Right Brain Learning" that we've been doing has helped so much more than the way I started out with her.  Now I just need to keep at it and have her practice reading in her head more and so on.

Honestly, when I first got this DIY cooking journal (and some of the other DIY books) I wasn't sure what to do with it or really saw the value in it.  It's just a blank book right?  Well, yes and no.  See, do you know how hard it is to find pretty sketch books?  Actually, I can't remember seeing one (or hardly ever!) that had parts that were lined AND parts that were blank for drawing.. let alone parts that were lovely boarders of drawing to be colored as well.  I know these could be used well for sure and I'm thinking that my girls can get more used to cooking and following recipes if they have to copy the recipe before they can make it.  And I'm SURE they will be fine with that plan when I mention chocolate chip cookies.  ;)

And the pizza!  The verdict was that the crust WAS fluffier though I thought it tasted slightly too sweet for a pizza so possibly a couple more tweaks the next time we do it. ;)

Jaming for a year and Favorite things

 October of 2014 was when I signed up with Jamberry, and while this is just a part time thing for me (my goals aren't as "big" as some peoples are!) I wanted to share what has changed in this past year.

First I was terrified of even posting on Facebook to everyone on my friends list (I'd had the privacy settings to only certain people because I didn't think some people new me well enough to take things I'd say in the way that I meant it.)  So that felt like a huge bravery thing to just be more vulnerable and hear a lot of "no's" in a lot of different ways.

 After joining Jamberry I realized that almost all the direct sales women who I ever came in contact with were just people like me, usually Mom's trying to help her family out.  Some in more need than others, but all fell under the "small business" place that I'd always rather support more than big businesses.  I developed a little more patience with other people and their chosen business.  After all, you can support someones business and be encouraging even if you never buy from them.  "Liking" a post for instance boosts it's visibility from hardly any to at least a few more people who wouldn't have seen it before, and even just a kind response is a huge deal to people who have to put themselves out there.

 But the main thing that has changed has been me being braver and finding ways to enjoy being here even if it's in the little things.  So, this post is about some of those little things.  :)

The mug my husband got me when we were out on a date.. possibly one of maybe two dates a year that we manage to go on so it felt special.

 The 8 months before joining Jamberry I was already doing my girls nails, but of course it's expanded from back then!  Now we not only have MANY more wrap options (as I've got a seriously overflowing collection these days!) but now we are doing Jamberry's new 5 free LED gel system!  (This is great to buy with a half off code from hostessing a party btw, it's an amazing deal that way!) So, yes, this is totally safe to do with even little kids.  :)  Helps keep the wraps on better and I love the texture.

 We hang out and watch a cartoon together while I do their nails. It's fun, and they feel special and enjoy looking at them for about a week or so.  Nails are a little thing, but these little joys can be a big deal.  Especially to little people who get to do a "grown up" thing with Mommy. 

 This is my 7 year old's nails and she's wearing "Strawberry Fields" - Best part about these besides the creativity of picking out what to wear and combine together is doing these together and enjoying them.  I don't think that doing ones nails is about "looking good" - it feels more like an artistic expression, but I get to enjoy looking at them at random times while I do stuff around the house!

 So speaking of the gel, it's really easy to take off.  I'm not great at painting my nails and even I able to use this system just fine.  Actually, I think it's easier to do well than painting lacquer.

 You wear the removers for about 15 minutes and then take them off and the gel just lifts off like the picture shows below.

 If you put the gel OVER wraps (clear gel base and top coats) then you take the wraps off just like normal with remover and don't have to use the gel remover packets at all.  It's really brilliant how they created this to work with the wraps so well.

 Speaking of enjoy these while doing random things.  I've had fun making my "Francis and Eugenia" videos - here's my Youtube playlist to see some.   After I'm done making a video I get to laugh at the eyes that I still have on my hand!

 Doing school with my girls or making breakfast?  Yes, totally more fun with Francis and Eugenia.

 Random happy moment while we were in a mall (which doesn't happen often) my Fashionable 7 year old got to see this art display of a fairy outfit made entirely of Starbucks garbage.

 And another outfit that was made entirely out of ties!

 Something that makes me happy is this necklace that my Mom got for me.  It opens so you can put essential oils in it and enjoy a lovely scent of your choice.  Smells are a big deal for me so this is a lovely thing. 

Speaking of smells, Jamberry's  "Indulgence set"   has hand soap in it that smells like lemons and I'm realizing that I love the smell of lemon.  Not sure why.. I never used to like it much, but now I do.  I let my husband and girls try the sugar scrub and lotion from the set and they all oohed and ahhed and enjoyed it so much.  

 I haven't tried to do as much selling as I could probably, but I'm still enjoying this so much and ESPECIALLY the trading!  Did you know that people trade Jamberry wraps?  Half sheet trading is my favorite because then I get tons of designs. 

 Orchids orchids orchids.. I wish I could propagate them.. I wish I knew how or had time to learn.  Maybe some day I will.  I've finally gotten some outdoor plants to stay alive a bit longer than 2 weeks here.  ;)  So that's an improvement anyway.

 I love the smell of beeswax and this candle is one that we got recently and have enjoyed watching while we eat breakfast and have our tea before we do our school.

 Coffee.  See, coffee was never "my thing" but I realized something in the last few years.  I'm nicer when I've drunk coffee.  It's okay to admit this to oneself, right?  I'm not necessarily less depressed or more awake, but I'm just slightly happier and I'm thinking this is a gift to my family to make sure the Mommy is happy. 

 My Jamberry flare.  I just like it.  It's not about advertising and selling with these to me.  I like them for myself.  "Be you be Beautiful" Jamberry, thinking of friends I've made who are consultants and thinking about how I've enjoyed these with my mom and mother-in-law as well.  I just like them, and would keep these even if I wasn't a consultant anymore.

NEW CHALK!  This stuff is amazing.. seriously, the vivid color it has!  And I'm always breaking them so a new set is quite fantastic.  I'll still use the old broken pieces till they are gone of course, but I was almost out of black and brown.

 Speaking of chalk.  "Eugenia" is the artist of the pair with this and becomes quite the mess when she's done.  It takes her about 4 hours to complete one design so there's a lot of stopping and washing of hands in that time as well since the kids are always needing something.

 Notice?  Yeah, nasty.  But the wraps hold up even to this chalk that stains my walls if I touch anything!

 One of my favorite gel colors is "Fresh" and there's a lacquer almost this color as well.   I'm realizing that my favorite ones are on the lighter end.  Didn't know that about myself!  Also, I have a lot of purples and blues.  The wrap in the picture above is called "Koi Pond" which I really enjoyed.

 I moved the rooms around so this is our new "book nook" and where I sometimes color with the girls or at night I'll watch a Dr. Who and do my jams after they are asleep.  Nice and relaxing quiet time. 

 Reading out loud to my girls is one of my favorite things and here it's combined with Jamberry too!

 I'm loving these pinwheel ones that I'm wearing right now!  And of course coloring in my Mom's Homeschool journal  Is one of my favorite things to do these days!  Sadly these wraps are retired, but I'm sure I'll have another favorite in a few weeks when I switch again.

 Pumpkin pie.  Love pumpkin pie!  It's finally feeling cool enough here to make it not seem ridiculous to make pie.  I've still been having to run the AC some and socks and hoodies indoors are sadly hardly ever necessary, but I'm working at trying to find more things to enjoy.  It's all about the little things.

 My conference t-shirt is my jammy shirt!  Seemed appropriate!  I've thought some about wanting to wear it during the day as well, but right now I can enjoy it more this way.  Plus it makes me feel better when I see this shirt as I look in the mirror in the mornings and look terrible and tired with bed head (no the picture above is NOT how I usually look when I wake up.. I didn't inflict THAT on you, just so you know.) 

The last of my rambling thoughts about Jamberry and this past year is just a picture of my favorite design.  Yes, I think it really is my favorite! It's so detailed and subtle.  The background is that "fresh" blue color that I love and the pattern on it is kind of a Mulberry (which is another favorite color of mine these days.)

You can of course join Jamberry too like I did for the discount and the fun of meeting new people, or you can just enjoy wearing them, or you can find something of your own to enjoy.  Some little thing that you delight in and that makes you smile.

Stay at home Mom's and homeschooling Mom's often forget about how we can nurture ourselves.  If we aren't careful we can get to a snapping point and that's not going to be good for anyone. 
I've found living in Dallas and an apartment and being in a big city to be extremely hard (for my personality) because all those things I used to do to find rest just aren't here.  When I went home to visit my family this past spring I didn't feel as desperate for rest as I'd felt in the past trips.  Normally when I visited I felt like a starved person finally getting some nourishment or something, but this time, because of Jamberry and the fun I've had and relationships I've made through this, I didn't feel so crazily desperate for refreshment as I had in the past. 

In the last few months I've pulled back some from running Jamberry parties so that I could focus on the girls school a bit more.  Hence all the blog posts about their school!  We are still enjoying Jamberry though and it's been good to focus more on their school for a time to get into some good patterns and practices.  I still love helping other consultants out in our facebook group and taking pictures of all of our nails, and my girls enjoy being my hand models for pictures.  I've been re-discovering how much I love to draw too.  The picture above was a coloring contest with my favorite writer.  She's been doing a lot of contests and giveaways and other fun things recently!  So be sure to check out her website here and her facebook page here.

Too often we mom's underestimate the little things that bring us joy.  As I add coloring into my days too I'm getting even more of that good rest and refreshment that I've been craving.  It's different than the things that used to bless me, but different is okay, right?