Friday, September 22, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
This is Lynné ... I've had a revelation and even though I've already talked to Youssef about this I don't think he'll mind if I write it all down so that I'll remember what I've learned... (Most of this I copied out of my journal.)
I bought a book called "Married but not Engaged" (I heard about it on the radio and what I heard seemed to fit really well with some problems that Youssef and I were having that I couldn't, until now, describe well.) Youssef thought it was another thing to point out how he was wrong or should change in some way... but it's me. I'm the one that's been at fault... I knew that I was doing something wrong but I didn't know what or how or anything... I felt crummy and Youssef felt worse (normally he's very open to talking and lately I'd ask him what he's thinking and he'd say "nothing" which he told me a long time ago that he hated it when people said that... there was something wrong...) Recently I've been conserned because things haven't been right between us and being me (with the memory like an Elephant, as they say,) drug things up that he thought we'd worked through (which we had). I'd wonder and sometimes say, "But when you did -this and this- it hurt me so that's why I get frustrated and think you will mess up when you do -this and this-" I feel like the mirror that I was looking at myself in was fogged over and blurred my vision and now I can see clearly what I've really been like to him.
I wrote several months ago about how I'd get annoyed and how that was wrong and silly and that I shouldn't do that... but how does that help? I didn't know why... the book that I'm reading has helped me to understand where Youssef might be coming from so that I can change how I talk to him (I highly recomend this book "Married but not Engaged" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin to anyone who is married to a guy who tends to be more of the easygoing, passive, possibly reserved type.. or perhaps if you find that he lets you do all of the talking .. this book might be helpful to give you a taste of his perspective.)
It sounds really silly when I come out and say it but I think what was happening is that I got frustrated with him because he... well.. he wasn't me. He didn't do things the way I would do whatever.. from the dishes, lawn, to taking care of Lily. Some things that I had to say might have been valid, but the way I was saying things and my attitude was so totally wrong, (Youssef must have felt like Benedick in "Much Ado about Nothing" When Beatric let her tounge fly at him like darts and he was the mark.) I kept thinking the typical cultural response that I've heard everywhere all my life to the adtions of men... "He's stupid".. "Doesn't understand me"... "Doesn't really listen"... (just watch most "sit coms" and you'll hear those words... "Everybody loves Ramond" is a good example of one.)
I think that most woman now (maybe without realizing this) think that men in general (and probably specifically their husband or boyfriend) are pretty dumb half the time. That is so totally wrong yet we hear that everywhere! One to two hundred years ago the opposite was said.. then women were thought to be not as smart as men. Women couldn't go to college, usually used a man's name if they wanted to publish a book... many things that men did and said were demeanind to women.. they were unfair and untrue, but now we women are doing the same thing to men!
Men and women aren't ment to be rivals.
We are not, and shouldn't be, the same!
That should be as obvious as saying that the water is wet.
Without knowing I was doing this I was trying to make Youssef more like me!
When I come out and actually say that and realize how I've been treating him and what I've been getting angry at, I'm appauled. I didn't marry him so that I could have a clone with me always... I married him and fell in love with him because he's uniquly Youssef - quirky, kind, romantic, strong, imaginative, intelligent, my knight in shining armor... if I know he is those things how could I think that he's stupid for not remembering where, say, the can opener goes! Now really who cares? Or... when we drive somewhere, so what if I want him to park in a certain spot - I'm not him.. I really don't want him to be me and if he's the one driving I should trust him to be intelligent enough to make his own decisions about where to park. I thought I was just telling him an idea or voicing an opinion, the problem was that It didn't come across that way- my voice sounded sharp and when he didn't do what I'd say sometimes I'd get annoyed at him (which was totally inapropriate for me to do). Dishes and parking are both really small examples. I won't get into the bigger issues but the small things tend to come from bigger problems (or they'll make them.)
When I talked to Youssef about this yesterday (he's on a bussiness trip now) and I tried to explain my "self-revelation" and appolagized he kept telling me that it was ok, but it's not ok! We'll be alright (which I think is what he ment) but it wasn't all right that I was essentially trying to remake him. I didn't go into our marriage wanting to "help" or change him like some women, but that's what I was doing! What right do I have (what right do any of us have) to even presume to change or "improve" another human being when I am so imperfect myself?
Now that I realize this, I'm shocked at the oddasity of most woman. I'm shocked that men can endure to hear the slander about them on TV, radio, magazines, even T-shirts (have you seen the T-shirt that says "boys are stupid- throw rocks at them"?) and the worse part is what woman say about thier husbands.
I'm trying to think if I've ever seen an example of a husband and wife who work together with their differences .. respecting their different oppinions and abilities (whatever they may be). Does the husband or wife show contempt for the other when he or she makes a mistake. I realized that that's what I was doing... unjustly annoyed... and whether I say something sarcastic or don't say anything I know that my attitude will be seen and felt by my family. Unconsiously of why Lily would probably grow up being annoyed at the mistakes and supposed "dumbness" of boys and men. Youssef would be totally burned outwith carrying the burdens of us both... especially when he keeps hearing so much "christian" advice telling him that whatever happens between us is ultimately his fault - It's not! I can see how ultimately it's his responsability in leading our family through our problems and even into certain directions that I don't agree with at the time (which will enevitably happen), but our problems aren't his fault. He's been doing so much, wearing himself out trying to carry his own burrdens AND mine. The last several months when he was done with work it was like he couldn't STOP working. He couldn't just sit by me or stand in the kitchen with his hand on my shoulder while I stirred the pasta sauce anymore. I've missed him. Sometimes I'd try to get him to stop and rest, but "No" he'd say "I just need to finish this project" or "I thought you'd want me to do _____" (fill in the blank) and then when the check list was done - his list and the one to keep me "happy" - then it was 9:00 and I needed to put the baby to sleep. Then we'd either stay up too late sleepily talking about nothing or watching a movie we didn't really want to watch right then.. or we'd go to sleep and it would just all start over again.
What do I really truely want from him?... what do most women want from their husbands?I want him to love me and appreciate me. I know he loves me when he stands up for me (and stands up to me when I need it), talking openly with me. I want him to be bold and listen and I want to do things together. All of those things that I listed and more wonderful things too Youssef has done, but as I look back from when we were getting to know each other till now I can see how I've actually discouraged him from being those things! I think Youssef tends to be more of a non-confrontational, somewhat passive, person, but when I met him (even though that was his tendency) that's not who he was!
Even though Youssef was trying to do so much for me ... trying to be what everyone expects... doing everything he possibly could humanly do for me (exausting himself) to make me happy.. I was depressed. Why? I miss him. (N0... you read that as if I'm saying I MISS him, but I really truely miss HIM)
Where is the man I married?
Oh, you mean the Youssef that you criticized, were annoyed at, tried to change, and were demanding to? That Youssef?
... I think I drove him into hiding.
(I was crying when I wrote all this in my journal)
I don't want to be like that anymore. I want him to be free to breathe again... I want Lily to love and respect her Daddy without me interferring.. I want Youssef to be able to rest with me... to be free to be himself, and feel able to make choices that he knows he should make even if I don't agree with them... he hasn't felt free because I haven't created anykind of room, any respect, for his different way of doing things.
I feel like a worm right now.. but happier because I know things will be better.
I love Youssef so much...
To share a couple of quotes from the book I spoke of-
"Included with women's greater verbal skills are more highly nuanced observations: they also use more words. Talking is one of their power centers, just as physical strength is generally a power center for men. Men have rightly been encouraged to restrain and donate their physical power in order to create greater equity and harmony in marriage. Like-wise, women can restrain and donate their verbal acumen in order to create a more level playing field.... IN this essential area, by and large, wives hold the pwoer in their relationships. They help grow intimacy when they use their power justly.... Using your power wisely can help countless circular arguments reach resolution."
In my opinion for a man that does talk of his feelings and seeks to be more intimate with his wife, expossing his vulnerability to her, is not a man showing his femanine side, but rather, a man showing his courage, humility, and bravery.
"The ultimacy of intimacy is two souls
risking vulnerability and weaving a life
together that couldn't be made without
the congealing of wills."
I bought a book called "Married but not Engaged" (I heard about it on the radio and what I heard seemed to fit really well with some problems that Youssef and I were having that I couldn't, until now, describe well.) Youssef thought it was another thing to point out how he was wrong or should change in some way... but it's me. I'm the one that's been at fault... I knew that I was doing something wrong but I didn't know what or how or anything... I felt crummy and Youssef felt worse (normally he's very open to talking and lately I'd ask him what he's thinking and he'd say "nothing" which he told me a long time ago that he hated it when people said that... there was something wrong...) Recently I've been conserned because things haven't been right between us and being me (with the memory like an Elephant, as they say,) drug things up that he thought we'd worked through (which we had). I'd wonder and sometimes say, "But when you did -this and this- it hurt me so that's why I get frustrated and think you will mess up when you do -this and this-" I feel like the mirror that I was looking at myself in was fogged over and blurred my vision and now I can see clearly what I've really been like to him.
I wrote several months ago about how I'd get annoyed and how that was wrong and silly and that I shouldn't do that... but how does that help? I didn't know why... the book that I'm reading has helped me to understand where Youssef might be coming from so that I can change how I talk to him (I highly recomend this book "Married but not Engaged" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin to anyone who is married to a guy who tends to be more of the easygoing, passive, possibly reserved type.. or perhaps if you find that he lets you do all of the talking .. this book might be helpful to give you a taste of his perspective.)
It sounds really silly when I come out and say it but I think what was happening is that I got frustrated with him because he... well.. he wasn't me. He didn't do things the way I would do whatever.. from the dishes, lawn, to taking care of Lily. Some things that I had to say might have been valid, but the way I was saying things and my attitude was so totally wrong, (Youssef must have felt like Benedick in "Much Ado about Nothing" When Beatric let her tounge fly at him like darts and he was the mark.) I kept thinking the typical cultural response that I've heard everywhere all my life to the adtions of men... "He's stupid".. "Doesn't understand me"... "Doesn't really listen"... (just watch most "sit coms" and you'll hear those words... "Everybody loves Ramond" is a good example of one.)
I think that most woman now (maybe without realizing this) think that men in general (and probably specifically their husband or boyfriend) are pretty dumb half the time. That is so totally wrong yet we hear that everywhere! One to two hundred years ago the opposite was said.. then women were thought to be not as smart as men. Women couldn't go to college, usually used a man's name if they wanted to publish a book... many things that men did and said were demeanind to women.. they were unfair and untrue, but now we women are doing the same thing to men!
Men and women aren't ment to be rivals.
We are not, and shouldn't be, the same!
That should be as obvious as saying that the water is wet.
Without knowing I was doing this I was trying to make Youssef more like me!
When I come out and actually say that and realize how I've been treating him and what I've been getting angry at, I'm appauled. I didn't marry him so that I could have a clone with me always... I married him and fell in love with him because he's uniquly Youssef - quirky, kind, romantic, strong, imaginative, intelligent, my knight in shining armor... if I know he is those things how could I think that he's stupid for not remembering where, say, the can opener goes! Now really who cares? Or... when we drive somewhere, so what if I want him to park in a certain spot - I'm not him.. I really don't want him to be me and if he's the one driving I should trust him to be intelligent enough to make his own decisions about where to park. I thought I was just telling him an idea or voicing an opinion, the problem was that It didn't come across that way- my voice sounded sharp and when he didn't do what I'd say sometimes I'd get annoyed at him (which was totally inapropriate for me to do). Dishes and parking are both really small examples. I won't get into the bigger issues but the small things tend to come from bigger problems (or they'll make them.)
When I talked to Youssef about this yesterday (he's on a bussiness trip now) and I tried to explain my "self-revelation" and appolagized he kept telling me that it was ok, but it's not ok! We'll be alright (which I think is what he ment) but it wasn't all right that I was essentially trying to remake him. I didn't go into our marriage wanting to "help" or change him like some women, but that's what I was doing! What right do I have (what right do any of us have) to even presume to change or "improve" another human being when I am so imperfect myself?
Now that I realize this, I'm shocked at the oddasity of most woman. I'm shocked that men can endure to hear the slander about them on TV, radio, magazines, even T-shirts (have you seen the T-shirt that says "boys are stupid- throw rocks at them"?) and the worse part is what woman say about thier husbands.
I'm trying to think if I've ever seen an example of a husband and wife who work together with their differences .. respecting their different oppinions and abilities (whatever they may be). Does the husband or wife show contempt for the other when he or she makes a mistake. I realized that that's what I was doing... unjustly annoyed... and whether I say something sarcastic or don't say anything I know that my attitude will be seen and felt by my family. Unconsiously of why Lily would probably grow up being annoyed at the mistakes and supposed "dumbness" of boys and men. Youssef would be totally burned outwith carrying the burdens of us both... especially when he keeps hearing so much "christian" advice telling him that whatever happens between us is ultimately his fault - It's not! I can see how ultimately it's his responsability in leading our family through our problems and even into certain directions that I don't agree with at the time (which will enevitably happen), but our problems aren't his fault. He's been doing so much, wearing himself out trying to carry his own burrdens AND mine. The last several months when he was done with work it was like he couldn't STOP working. He couldn't just sit by me or stand in the kitchen with his hand on my shoulder while I stirred the pasta sauce anymore. I've missed him. Sometimes I'd try to get him to stop and rest, but "No" he'd say "I just need to finish this project" or "I thought you'd want me to do _____" (fill in the blank) and then when the check list was done - his list and the one to keep me "happy" - then it was 9:00 and I needed to put the baby to sleep. Then we'd either stay up too late sleepily talking about nothing or watching a movie we didn't really want to watch right then.. or we'd go to sleep and it would just all start over again.
What do I really truely want from him?... what do most women want from their husbands?I want him to love me and appreciate me. I know he loves me when he stands up for me (and stands up to me when I need it), talking openly with me. I want him to be bold and listen and I want to do things together. All of those things that I listed and more wonderful things too Youssef has done, but as I look back from when we were getting to know each other till now I can see how I've actually discouraged him from being those things! I think Youssef tends to be more of a non-confrontational, somewhat passive, person, but when I met him (even though that was his tendency) that's not who he was!
Even though Youssef was trying to do so much for me ... trying to be what everyone expects... doing everything he possibly could humanly do for me (exausting himself) to make me happy.. I was depressed. Why? I miss him. (N0... you read that as if I'm saying I MISS him, but I really truely miss HIM)
Where is the man I married?
Oh, you mean the Youssef that you criticized, were annoyed at, tried to change, and were demanding to? That Youssef?
... I think I drove him into hiding.
(I was crying when I wrote all this in my journal)
I don't want to be like that anymore. I want him to be free to breathe again... I want Lily to love and respect her Daddy without me interferring.. I want Youssef to be able to rest with me... to be free to be himself, and feel able to make choices that he knows he should make even if I don't agree with them... he hasn't felt free because I haven't created anykind of room, any respect, for his different way of doing things.
I feel like a worm right now.. but happier because I know things will be better.
I love Youssef so much...
To share a couple of quotes from the book I spoke of-
"Included with women's greater verbal skills are more highly nuanced observations: they also use more words. Talking is one of their power centers, just as physical strength is generally a power center for men. Men have rightly been encouraged to restrain and donate their physical power in order to create greater equity and harmony in marriage. Like-wise, women can restrain and donate their verbal acumen in order to create a more level playing field.... IN this essential area, by and large, wives hold the pwoer in their relationships. They help grow intimacy when they use their power justly.... Using your power wisely can help countless circular arguments reach resolution."
In my opinion for a man that does talk of his feelings and seeks to be more intimate with his wife, expossing his vulnerability to her, is not a man showing his femanine side, but rather, a man showing his courage, humility, and bravery.
"The ultimacy of intimacy is two souls
risking vulnerability and weaving a life
together that couldn't be made without
the congealing of wills."
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Most Recent Thoughts of Any Importance to Me.
What I'm posting today is a letter I wrote to a friend of mine named Shane. He and I used to work at Starbucks together. He and I enjoyed philosophy-chat while cleaning and slinging coffee. Then, in the space of 2 weeks, Shane and I left the store for our own little destinies. We wrote to the other to see how each was faring. The response I wrote back was so good that I thought it made up for my having not written any thing in two months.
Hey Shane,
How I envy you. The scholarship you're about to encounter is certainly going to sharpen your wits. This new job has nearly the opposite effect. I just received my first salary check, which was my first ever 4-figure paycheck. (I would have framed it if I didn't need to pay for food!)
Obvious benefits are hard to disregard. I'm writing to you on my new tablet computer, connected to a wireless Internet. My new phone, which is waiting for a call, is quite, technically speaking, spiffy. Bluetooth headset. Touch-screen. Enough memory to allow me to recover from a complete mental breakdown.. .
But Stuff isn't always the answer to the problems of life ... That's an answer I've memorized.
So. let me tell you about my lunch hour today. At about 12:30, I figured I needed some food. Old pasta salad in the fridge. Of course, for the time being I'm working at home. Munching on chips. Crunch. Crunch. Lynne calls. She's at Manito and she wonders if I'm free. So I drive out at 1:00. She knows of a cafe that we can walk to. I think she's nuts. We walk. Then, out of a grove of old houses, we find Rockwood Bakery. I've never been there before, so we wander in. Because we have the cash, we can order a lunch item of our own and a drink each..never before could we do that. We approach the counter and the lead barista, register position, is spouting off three interjections as answer to each question of the customer ahead of us.
"Can I get a shot in that?"
"Definitely. No problem. Yeah. Um..."
Some of those words-no, not the words, the intonations are so familiar to me.
"Take debit?"
"Yep. You got it. Awesome."
Awesome? There it is. The tale tell word, beating like Poe's heart beneath the floorboards of the conversation. I haven't said any of these words he's saying in over a month. Now, I really am on the other side of the counter.
We go up to pay. For Some reason, I'm a victim of "Customer Idiocy" ,and I ask "Take Debit?"
Lynne chimes in. " No, I've got it."
"You sure? You had to buy batteries earlier."
"No, I've got it."
And I suddenly realize we are the arguing couple. The people that I used to say, sarcastically, "How about you arm-wrestle over it" -We are those people! I start to get dizzy. I pay and we sit down outside, taking pictures of my daughter sipping-not really- from my italian soda. We are the yuppies, I'm thinking. We are the people I used to hate. The people whowere never really going to contribute to society the way that Eisenhower, Carnegie, and Von Braun contributed. These people-- these people are cogs in the wheels of society. they don't strive to be anything more than the one who has taken the most advantage of the society, eaten the most pie, made a place for themselves, in their time. Not in timeless-ness. Now, am I of them?
I just read a booklet, a pamphlet published by a New York teacher. It's titled "What's Really Wrong with our Schools?" You can imagine whatit's about. But his main point is the value of self-directed study. that one loans best Via one's own direction. I should send you a copy of it. Instead, I'll send you my after-reading notes. That might give you an idea about what a tablet computer is.
Until I recover from my sudden thrusting into Yuppie-dom,
Youssef
Hey Shane,
How I envy you. The scholarship you're about to encounter is certainly going to sharpen your wits. This new job has nearly the opposite effect. I just received my first salary check, which was my first ever 4-figure paycheck. (I would have framed it if I didn't need to pay for food!)
Obvious benefits are hard to disregard. I'm writing to you on my new tablet computer, connected to a wireless Internet. My new phone, which is waiting for a call, is quite, technically speaking, spiffy. Bluetooth headset. Touch-screen. Enough memory to allow me to recover from a complete mental breakdown.. .
But Stuff isn't always the answer to the problems of life ... That's an answer I've memorized.
So. let me tell you about my lunch hour today. At about 12:30, I figured I needed some food. Old pasta salad in the fridge. Of course, for the time being I'm working at home. Munching on chips. Crunch. Crunch. Lynne calls. She's at Manito and she wonders if I'm free. So I drive out at 1:00. She knows of a cafe that we can walk to. I think she's nuts. We walk. Then, out of a grove of old houses, we find Rockwood Bakery. I've never been there before, so we wander in. Because we have the cash, we can order a lunch item of our own and a drink each..never before could we do that. We approach the counter and the lead barista, register position, is spouting off three interjections as answer to each question of the customer ahead of us.
"Can I get a shot in that?"
"Definitely. No problem. Yeah. Um..."
Some of those words-no, not the words, the intonations are so familiar to me.
"Take debit?"
"Yep. You got it. Awesome."
Awesome? There it is. The tale tell word, beating like Poe's heart beneath the floorboards of the conversation. I haven't said any of these words he's saying in over a month. Now, I really am on the other side of the counter.
We go up to pay. For Some reason, I'm a victim of "Customer Idiocy" ,and I ask "Take Debit?"
Lynne chimes in. " No, I've got it."
"You sure? You had to buy batteries earlier."
"No, I've got it."
And I suddenly realize we are the arguing couple. The people that I used to say, sarcastically, "How about you arm-wrestle over it" -We are those people! I start to get dizzy. I pay and we sit down outside, taking pictures of my daughter sipping-not really- from my italian soda. We are the yuppies, I'm thinking. We are the people I used to hate. The people whowere never really going to contribute to society the way that Eisenhower, Carnegie, and Von Braun contributed. These people-- these people are cogs in the wheels of society. they don't strive to be anything more than the one who has taken the most advantage of the society, eaten the most pie, made a place for themselves, in their time. Not in timeless-ness. Now, am I of them?
I just read a booklet, a pamphlet published by a New York teacher. It's titled "What's Really Wrong with our Schools?" You can imagine whatit's about. But his main point is the value of self-directed study. that one loans best Via one's own direction. I should send you a copy of it. Instead, I'll send you my after-reading notes. That might give you an idea about what a tablet computer is.
Until I recover from my sudden thrusting into Yuppie-dom,
Youssef
Friday, June 09, 2006
Learning and Understanding
Here is a quote I've read several times. Partly for the encouragement, and partly to remember.
The book is "My Teacher Fried My Brains" by Bruce Coville. It's the second in a series of books he did about teachers, aliens, and life. The main character in this installment is a bully who changes his ways. Essentially, it's the story of "Flowers for Algernon": the dim-witted gets a chance to become brilliant, more intelligent than anyone else alive--but it doesn't last. This book seems to talk a lot about the effect of learning on our behavior and attitude. The dim-witted becomes well-witted by use of a "brain-fryer."
"Between the third session with the brain fryer and the fact that I was reading hundreds of pages a day, I could feel myself getting smarter faster and faster. Something I hadn't expected was that the more I learned, the more things made sense. Sometimes learning one thing made three other things suddenly come into focus. I was starting to find the connections that made learning fun."
What does that mean?
That quote comes on the heel of several debates I've had with myself and other people who find themselves on the higher side of average about "What is smart?" Since we public-schooled are children of the institution, most of us are inclined to believe that the Intelligence Quotient (I.Q.) is a valid measurement. What if that is wrong? I've taken my share of IQ tests. While some of the questions do test whether a mind is able to make connections and at what speed, often they are trivia tests. "What rhymes with the color orange?" "How far away is the sun?" "Define 'argillaceous'." The most revered genius may not know what those things are. We could ask Einstein several questions about X-Men comic lore. If he gets them wrong, what then? Is he not as smart? The famous trivia fact about Einstein is that he failed high school math. Is he dumb? I passed high school math; am I smart?
At this point, intelligence and "smart" become more effervescent abstractions than they were to begin with. Read the quote again, to ground yourselves in what we experienced with the bully as "being smart."
"One thing leads to another." That is a phrase that pops into my head. All of what we know interconnects--if for no other reason than that we encountered it in our life. Ask old doctor Gestault about drawing connections between seemingly unrelated data. (For the most interested of readers, look up gestaultism and tell me if the following letters are an example of it.)
J U S T I C E
Smart people know a lot. This is a fact we have to start from. Smart people know a significant amount more than others. But what more? Are art-history students less intelligent than automechanics? I venture to say not, but that they are intelligent in different directions. To have an art-history student and a mechanic switch places shows how relative smart is. But--and here is the grain in my craw that I hope will turn into a pearl--what about the mechanic who can comprehend art history? Or visa versa. At that point, we have a person being smart in two or more directions. Refer to the quote: the more directions we are intelligent in, the more connections we can draw to other things, the more things make sense!
I've always been excellent with words. English was a class I rarely needed to worry about. But the sciences--I have a propensity and an interest in them. Engineering, architecture, crafts, and philosophy--these are all subjects that I consider myself an eager amateur at. Were I to excel further at them, perhaps I would become smarter.
And there's a controversial subject for you: how to become smarter. This isn't a subject about self-improvement. It's about education. How you teach relates to how you believe intelligence grows. I propose reading helps us learn. The characteristic train of an intelligent mind is the one that reads. Milton believed that schools introduced writing essays and the like too early. "The mind must have a resource from which to deliver," I paraphrase from Milton's "On Education." The value of reading, and encouraging reading, lies in a book's ability to dump information into a mind. The brain fryer from the book opened up the boy's capacity (a subject I mean to touch on later--L needs the garbage taken out), but books fill up that capacity. Books make us smarter by introducing knowledge, either facts or understanding. Writing, therefore, is either the overflow of thoughts or the exercise of that knowledge.
About capacity, before I take out the garbage...
I sometimes imagine I was fed a lie when people told me about how potentially smart I could be. Where did that concept come from? To be haunted by one's potential is like being haunted by your own ghost before you're dead. How do you know when you have reached your "full potential"? Really. Is there some little meter I don't know about?
It's time for me to leave. Write comments so that I have further "resources from which to deliver.
The book is "My Teacher Fried My Brains" by Bruce Coville. It's the second in a series of books he did about teachers, aliens, and life. The main character in this installment is a bully who changes his ways. Essentially, it's the story of "Flowers for Algernon": the dim-witted gets a chance to become brilliant, more intelligent than anyone else alive--but it doesn't last. This book seems to talk a lot about the effect of learning on our behavior and attitude. The dim-witted becomes well-witted by use of a "brain-fryer."
"Between the third session with the brain fryer and the fact that I was reading hundreds of pages a day, I could feel myself getting smarter faster and faster. Something I hadn't expected was that the more I learned, the more things made sense. Sometimes learning one thing made three other things suddenly come into focus. I was starting to find the connections that made learning fun."
What does that mean?
That quote comes on the heel of several debates I've had with myself and other people who find themselves on the higher side of average about "What is smart?" Since we public-schooled are children of the institution, most of us are inclined to believe that the Intelligence Quotient (I.Q.) is a valid measurement. What if that is wrong? I've taken my share of IQ tests. While some of the questions do test whether a mind is able to make connections and at what speed, often they are trivia tests. "What rhymes with the color orange?" "How far away is the sun?" "Define 'argillaceous'." The most revered genius may not know what those things are. We could ask Einstein several questions about X-Men comic lore. If he gets them wrong, what then? Is he not as smart? The famous trivia fact about Einstein is that he failed high school math. Is he dumb? I passed high school math; am I smart?
At this point, intelligence and "smart" become more effervescent abstractions than they were to begin with. Read the quote again, to ground yourselves in what we experienced with the bully as "being smart."
"One thing leads to another." That is a phrase that pops into my head. All of what we know interconnects--if for no other reason than that we encountered it in our life. Ask old doctor Gestault about drawing connections between seemingly unrelated data. (For the most interested of readers, look up gestaultism and tell me if the following letters are an example of it.)
J U S T I C E
Smart people know a lot. This is a fact we have to start from. Smart people know a significant amount more than others. But what more? Are art-history students less intelligent than automechanics? I venture to say not, but that they are intelligent in different directions. To have an art-history student and a mechanic switch places shows how relative smart is. But--and here is the grain in my craw that I hope will turn into a pearl--what about the mechanic who can comprehend art history? Or visa versa. At that point, we have a person being smart in two or more directions. Refer to the quote: the more directions we are intelligent in, the more connections we can draw to other things, the more things make sense!
I've always been excellent with words. English was a class I rarely needed to worry about. But the sciences--I have a propensity and an interest in them. Engineering, architecture, crafts, and philosophy--these are all subjects that I consider myself an eager amateur at. Were I to excel further at them, perhaps I would become smarter.
And there's a controversial subject for you: how to become smarter. This isn't a subject about self-improvement. It's about education. How you teach relates to how you believe intelligence grows. I propose reading helps us learn. The characteristic train of an intelligent mind is the one that reads. Milton believed that schools introduced writing essays and the like too early. "The mind must have a resource from which to deliver," I paraphrase from Milton's "On Education." The value of reading, and encouraging reading, lies in a book's ability to dump information into a mind. The brain fryer from the book opened up the boy's capacity (a subject I mean to touch on later--L needs the garbage taken out), but books fill up that capacity. Books make us smarter by introducing knowledge, either facts or understanding. Writing, therefore, is either the overflow of thoughts or the exercise of that knowledge.
About capacity, before I take out the garbage...
I sometimes imagine I was fed a lie when people told me about how potentially smart I could be. Where did that concept come from? To be haunted by one's potential is like being haunted by your own ghost before you're dead. How do you know when you have reached your "full potential"? Really. Is there some little meter I don't know about?
It's time for me to leave. Write comments so that I have further "resources from which to deliver.
Good Intentions
For all intents and purposes, this blog was supposed to off-load some of the thoughts I have in my day. Blame it on an irregular routine, blame it on life's quirky ways, blame it on laziness--I have simply not gotten around to posting half as much as I wished I did.
SO-- I give you my Star Trek listings.
This is a list of actresses and actors who appeared in "Star Trek: the Next Generation" I've been compiling since L and I began watching the series.
The most notable one to me is Teri Hatcher. She may be best known for
her work on "Lois & Clark," the Superman series.She shows up somewhere early in the 3rd season. The transporter chief, Chief O'Brien whom fans know and remember, was just beginning to appear in the series more regularly. You could tell by season 3, because the Starfleet uniform changed from what L and I call "The Piping" to "The Collar." The chief, though given few lines, received a "Collar" uniform--standing him out from other extras. Anyway, Teri Hatcher, in her appearance, shows up doing the transporter thing, effectively bumping off Chief O'Brien. Teri has big hair and attracts another actor some might
recognize, culminating in a brief scene where Teri's quarters on the Enterprise close with her in a red-dress inviting the guest star in.By the by--the guest star is the same actor who did the Rocketeer, Billy Campbell. Good film. Rent once.
More recently, we saw Ashley Judd working in Engineering and--as some guest stars do--falling in love with Wesley Crusher. Go figure.
Until others come up, I'll continue compiling.
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