Lots of Advice

So... people are always telling me that I need to develop my creativity into a business. I'll want to learn to play the harp and a few months later I find myself playing it at a gift shop durring Christmas time (a professional musician just like that) ... Someone says that I can draw really well... then I find myself commisioned to make five gigantic pictures for a book... years go by other hobbies are added and advice is given and now I scrapbook and I've been told that I should do them for people as a business.

I would like to say that I tend to be a people pleaser and take all this advice and end up doing something that isn't really suited to me (in that I'm rather shy with new people and enjoy the hobbie because of the creativity which can get messed up when someone else is telling you exactly how they want something made.)

But I got to thinking about what I really want to do...

I love to play the harp but I've noticed that I tend to not play after a holiday season because I hate performing so much (actually I'd really like to be in an orcestra or some other big group type thing.. when I think of that dream I start to tear up because I don't think it is possible for some reason... odd how so many people would probably rather be in my shoes with the whole free-lance musician thing.) I haven't played my harp in a long time because it seems like when ever I start to practice someone hears me and wants to hire me for something and then I can't say no and (usually could really use the money) and.. and... I really hate performing. Youssef loves to hear me play and has encouraged me to perform and so forth... but even he has come to realize that it's just not my thing. (Maybe because I freak out so much before and after that he doesn't like being around me?)

.... I enjoyed being a seamstress at the bridal shop, altering wedding dresses and things... but even though I still do some of that (and enjoy the sewing and creativity it takes to make something fit unique individuals) I wouldn't want to just advertise and have to deal with any jerk (or majorly freaky bride) that comes to me for an alteration.

What I really really want to do (since I can't afford to buy a pedal harp and play in an orcestra *sigh*) I want to design knitting patterns for magazines! The people that do that get paid pretty good and it would be so fun! I'm going to buy a computer program to help with the design diagrams and things. It will be great because I won't really have to talk to anyone... just mail submissions to the magazine companies... maybe I'll make enough to print a book or something! And even if no magazine will buy my designs I'll still be able to design things for myself (and Lily and Youssef, too!) I can never find exactly what I'm wanting to make (and it's annoying to alter knitting patterns because they take so long to knit... dress patterns aren't as big of a deal because sewing is so much faster)

... anyway... like any of you really care to hear all this... I just tend to talk a lot when I'm excited and this way no one has to listen. ;)