Thoughts on Motherhood...

It feels like I've been a Mom for a reeally reeeeally long time. Yet, Just over 2 years ago I wasn't. I didn't have a child. My life wasn't ultimately, substantially changed by another being so completely reliant on me. (Scary considering how much I mess things up.) There are days when I'm so relieved when Youssef is home just to hold a child for me so that I can finally finish the dishes or fold the laundry. And of course, as any parent will tell you, it is SUCH a relief when the kids go to sleep.

Trying to keep a toddler busy and happy not involving something electronic is another thing all together. I'm glad that Lily likes to bead with me and help make bread and so forth. It doesn't necessarily "help" me so much as give her something good to do and learn. Typing is always a little more complicated with a baby on one arm, and some days I wonder why men and women actually want to reproduce. Over all, kids are probably much more trouble than any benefits we get back from them. Some days I get so tired of being a homemaker and picking up the same bath toys every day, or vacuuming the floor again for the cheerios/raisins/snackfood/spill/whatever and a hundred other mundane chores that need to be done as a stay at home mom. I wish that I played my harp more... or had time to do more art work and other projects. I ask myself, what is it? Why do we like being moms?

But... as I take the journey of motherhood I've come to realize that it's not what you get back from your kids. Upon becoming a mother, I became acutely aware of how I've never appreciated my Mom enough for making the sacrifice of staying at home and raising me.

But it's not what we get back from our kids, and we do get a lot back just in a smile and desire that they have to play with us. The time we wish we could be doing something on our own is when we could get the most rewards from them if we just play with them or read to them like they've wanted us to. I know my kids are going to grow up too fast. I know this is a short season in my life that if I'm not careful I could miss out on. I suppose what I've learned on this journey of motherhood is that if I want to be happy I need to stop thinking about me. True joy comes from giving my life to my family and children. I can do that on the outside and still be discontent on the inside, and that's what I've been learning, to be content in all parts of my life. I know that if I don't learn that now, some day when my kids are grown and I have all of my days to spend on projects or any other thing that I want to do, I will look back and wish for this time of craziness to come back again.