Confessions of a homemaker

I thought it was about time that I did another blog post and as I was rearranging my furniture today (seriously, that is the ONLY way to truly enjoy cleaning!) I decided I should uncover my little secret. It's not a terrible one, and I'm sure many a wise wife has done something similar, but if you are newer to marriage or just haven't thought of this on your own.. I'm here to help. ;]

I don't know if this is a "guy thing" in general, but I do know that my husband isn't the only guy to come home after work and dump the mail and his shoes and computer and whatever else in a pile. A lot of guys like to organize and "clean up" with the "pile method" -- dunt dunt DUNNN!

Yes, to the average guy or even anyone that isn't home all the time the picture below probably doesn't look too bad.
The pile and filing cabinet above is what is there during the day though.. there's more stuff that gets added to this when my husband gets home from work. I used to let things like this annoy me until I figured out a little thing that has helped us both.

Some of you have large enough houses to give your husband an "office" or something of that nature, but my 1,037 square ft apartment with five people in it and all the homeschooling and projects and so on, well.. it's just hard to make a space for my husbands stuff and keep everything looking nice.

Enter the screen.
TA DA! How nice does this look? We are both happy because he gets his little pile and when he first walks into the house he goes straight to there, moves the screen back, and dumps his stuff. If he hangs a belt or a shirt over the screen (as has been known to happen) I can happily remove them from said screen and throw them on the pile too.

Out of sight out of mind.

And marital harmony flourishes. :}

popsickles!

Yogurt is a really great thing, but it's difficult for me to find a kind that doesn't have High Fructose Corn Syrup in it. Now, I know I know.. "HFCS reacts in the body just the same as sugar and therefore is no worse for you than sugar is." It IS worse for someone who has a hard time digesting corn. If I eat too much corn (for me) it reacts as if I've gotten food poisoning, and though a little is tolerable it's still something I'd rather avoid.

To make yogurt popsickles (which my girls and I totally LOVE) I've mixed plain yogurt with jam or fruit or honey and spoon it into popsickle containers to freeze. Works great and you can sweeten it with whatever you want and just as much as you'd like! If you are watching your sugar intake or are like me and other sweeteners work better for you, then this is a great option.
It's just so yummy I had to share. :} (BTW, I found the popsickle forms at a dollar store.)

Discipline vs. Habit

I don't know how you all feel, but THIS (below) is what personal "disciplines" look like to me. Very forced and not very fun... and generally something that puts me in a bad mood.
Then of course if I "fail" at getting it all done "right," then the picture below is a good example of the feeling of judgment that has come over me in the past.
I'm VERY happy to say that I've left disciplines and judgments behind!

I started reading a book called "Different Children, Different Needs", and it is the FIRST personality type analysis that has actually worked well for Youssef's and my personalities! It's actually been helpful. The Meyers-Briggs and a bunch of other ones just landed both him and me in almost the center of everything.... riiiight.. so if you aren't really any of them totally, then how can it help? Well, this one actually made sense, that is to say.. we could actually identify where we fit. And one big thing that I realized was PACE.
Some people have a slow pace like the picture above. They can make small habits along the road and pass them each day in a circular loop. Some people have a little faster pace. (Notice the bike in the picture below.) They might be able to hold more on their plate as well.. so.. there's more habits along the road that they are able to accomplish.
Then of course there are those insane people that are just blasting through the day and wonder why other people sleep so much or have a hard time keeping up with their house or job or aren't on time to things when THEY are always early and got five things done in the 10 minutes of wait-time before the event.
I've done the whole "fast" thing, but I can't sustain it for very long. When I needed to get a bunch of art done or quickly or had a deadline for a project, I could pump up the speed, but I didn't like it and other things fell through the cracks.

Realizing that my pace is on the slower side has really helped me in learning habits and not kicking myself about "disciplines"... habits are really such nice things.

They are like Lego blocks. :} (Such a friendly way of looking at it, no?)
One block of doing the dishes every night was stacked with a block of reading to the girls and praying with them right before they went to sleep. Then a block of "school time" has become a habit. Each habit has felt so HARD when I start to try to fit it consistently into my life, but what I am really beginning to LOVE is that it gets easier! (I suppose in that way it's a bit more like clay and adding and forming and fitting that piece onto the sculpture, but Lego's will work for now.) :}

Doing Lily's school-time and teaching her to read started out with me FREAKING OUT about what in the world I was doing. Actually, I had a similar feeling when I needed to potty train her and had NO idea WHAT I was doing or how to do it. My mom, fortunately, imparted some easy-going nature that calmed me down a bit. ;]

I'm very happy to say that today Lily read her first story! And I suddenly realized that making this habit of school-time wasn't as hard or took as long as I felt or thought it did before. It's sort of grown into our day and we look forward to it. Just as I've been working with Lily a little bit each day, and now it's built to the point that she can read a simple story, it's just so encouraging!

And it goes right along with my learning some good daily habits.
Adding these habits slowly and easily into my stroll down the road of life is so much nicer than how I thought things were supposed to be done. I'm sure someone out there could thrive under the idea of disciplines... I mean.. it's possible, right? But I sure couldn't!

I still do get a thought sometimes about some project or other that I'd like to finish quickly and actually consider picking up some speed to get that one thing done, but I know that if I did, then I'd zoom past all the little habits that need to be nurtured. I know the girls are happier now that I'm going this pace. They like the routine and my easy-going NON-stressed attitude toward them and the day.

So, here's to carefully adding one little block at a time and taking as much time as needed to get each piece in it's proper place. :}

"The good old days" aren't always as good as we remember

It is too easy to think back to the "good old days" and forget some key problems. It's so easy to see the greener grass on the other side of the fence and to not enjoy what we have right now. Many days I will miss living near my family and it's easy to remember the good stuff about living in Washington and forgetting some of the reasons why we had to leave.

When Youssef and I were first married and until we had to move to my parents basement Youssef had to sell his plasma so we could buy food. If he did it as much as they'd let him it was $200 extra a month. Pretty significant when before that we were buying food with tip money from his Starbucks job (which was about $20 a week total)... Youssef still has the scars on his arms from selling his plasma so often--- He literally gave a LOT to provide for his family.

And I've been thinking lately about these things. Issues of contentment and realizing that this life is never going to be perfect. We try to make a heaven here on this fallen earth and it's just not possible. Or doesn't last long if we reach that "perfect" point. How many people look at someone else and wish they had THAT life. The people in the North see the sunshine that we have here and want that. Those of us who are enjoying some 100 degree weather wish for some cooler temperatures or rain. A woman who can't have children and sees a mom with kids might think that if she could just have a child THEN she would be happy. Someone who HAS kids perhaps thinks fondly of the days when the house was a bit more quiet. Someone who can't walk might say that if they could they'd run EVERYWHERE! Yet, how many of us who can walk actually appreciate that fact? People in other countries walk for miles to just reach clean water and yet how often do we take for granted our many sinks and faucets? For most of us I think this is a pretty accepted thought processes. Actually, often I don't know that we see what is wrong with wanting more or remembering something good that happened in the past and wanting to recreate that experience.

But there is something wrong with it.
I was listening to a sermon the other day about Jesus being transfigured on the mount and there's just a small portion of that sermon that I'd like to share. It was in regards to Peter wanting to build a tabernacle for Moses, Elijah, and Jesus.

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People have the proclivity to do this. You have an amazing experience with God, and rather than enjoying it, and moving on to what God would have for you next, you keep trying to go back and relive it. Some of you had a great experience at a camp, and so for you, you’re addicted to camp high. Some of you had a church that did things in a certain way, and maybe that was even your first experience of worship, or teaching, or community, or programming, and it meant a lot to you, and God used it in your life. And I don’t want to denigrate that at all. We rejoice in that, but you keep trying to recreate it and relive it. “If we could just go back and keep it the way that it was.”

Parents even have a proclivity to do this with children. “We had an amazing experience when they were this age, and I just want to keep them that size, and keep them that age, and keep reliving those experiences. I just want to capture this sacred moment, and never let it dissipate.”

And the truth is, it is a sin to want to continually relive mountaintop experiences. We are to enjoy those sacred moments that God shows up in glory in our life, and then proceed forward trusting that, if and when it’s time, he will meet with us at a different time, perhaps even in a different way.

For some of you, this comes down to music. And you say, “But I worship God through this music.” You may worship worship. It may have been a moment where even in singing a song or hearing a song, the glory of God was revealed to you, meaning that your heart and mind were open to love Jesus, but now you have to sing that song, or you have to sing those songs, or you have to sing them in those ways. And methodologies then become method-idolatries because we keep trying to recreate, relive a mountaintop experience, some sort of Christian high. And Peter has that same sin.

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It's too easy to gloss over these sorts of sins. Why? Because we want a good thing. What's wrong with wanting something that is good? We see what we had at one point, what God had blessed us with then and want to remake it. But why is it a sin?

Because it's not trusting God with how He could bless us again or in different ways. It's not being thankful --which damages our communication with God (note; if you give a child a present and all they do is say how they wanted more or something different or in all other ways just complain about the good thing you just gave them, see how YOUR relationship with them is certainly not brought closer by their attitude.) And finally, it's perhaps making that thing more important to us than Jesus, and putting anything first in our lives before the true God is idolatry.

Friendships are a blessing, but are they more important to you than Jesus?
Children are a blessing, but are they more important to you than Jesus?
Our health is a blessing, but is it more important to you than Jesus?

Think of the good thing that popped into your head just now that you value or want and ask yourself how important it is to you? Jesus said "If anyone comes to me but loves his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, or sisters -- or even life -- more than me, he cannot be my follower." Luke 14:26

Could we give up any of these things so that Jesus could be glorified through our lives? There is a praise song with the bridge "You give and take away, you give and take away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord blessed be Your name.'" Every time I sing or hear that line I feel it. That is to say, I go to that place of realizing what it would be like if I lost one of my kids or my husband and ask myself if I COULD say 'Lord blessed be Your name.' ... Honestly, it kills me to go to that place every time-- to choose to say, "Lord blessed is Your name" even if the blessings He's given me are gone. But I have to. I need to. Because I know He is good. I can see that so clearly. I'm not saying I wouldn't grieve or even be angry at times, but I couldn't stop believing that Jesus is worthy of all praise.

Somehow it's always been easier for me to see these truths in "obvious" things or bigger ways. Grieving a death or going through an injury, and of course it's ALWAYS easier to see what OTHER people should do! Sure, you might not be able to play at the beach because your health isn't great, but at least you are there and can see it! At least you are with your family and can watch them play! Exactly, it's always so much easier to see what OTHER people should do, but what should I do?

Coming back around to what our life was like when Youssef and I were first married (at the beginning of this post.) Often I think of the wonderful things and the things that I miss from then, like walking to parks and coffee shops--- of playing games together and visiting my friends and family whenever I felt like it. Perhaps I have a selective memory and don't remember the hard things as well, yet at the time the hard things were primarily on my mind. I DID enjoy those other things, but I know I focused too much on the difficult stuff and what we did NOT have more than what we were blessed with.

So, yesterday it was about 4:00 in the afternoon and I just decided I'd brave the heat with all the girls to take them to the pool. This is not an "easy" thing to do (to get everyone outside and back in one piece by myself.) But as I was sitting out there (on the pink floaty) holding Grace (who's feet were in the water and was falling asleep) I started to realize how much effort it takes to enjoy what we have and be thankful.It's not an "easy" thing to take the girls someplace by myself... even if it's just around the apartment to the pool here) BUT it's important and it's a way to enjoy the blessings we have right now. We won't always live here and may never live near a pool like this again. How wrong (really) is it of me to be sad or thinking about what we left behind when I could be enjoying what God has blessed us with here? I hear people in Washington complaining about how cold it is there and it's so easy to think of reasons why I'd prefer that (I love to snuggle in blankets and wear sweaters!) But the point isn't to think of what we COULD have or what things USED to be like, but to see what we have right here. Right now.

Just one year ago I was still near my Mom and family and (I'm sure) not appreciating them as much as I do now that I'm far away, but I only had two precious daughters! I truly wouldn't want to be back in the past because Grace did not exist then. When Youssef and I were talking about things that we enjoyed in the past I said, "Wasn't it weird? We just had one baby then." And he said that whenever he thought of our past he always saw all three girls in it. Even though some hadn't been born yet. They are just so apart of our lives that we can't see our past without them. How silly is it then, to wish for something good in the past when in many ways we have something better right now.
Is our life perfect? No, but this isn't heaven yet! Do we have the finances for a bigger place to live or money to travel to see my parents more often? No, but I can be thankful that we have money for food withOUT Youssef having to get his arms stabbed. I'm thankful for where we are too! Is it work to enjoy these good things? Yes, but it's worth it.

I know that some day I will lose someone. My parents will die, I will lose friends, perhaps even a child... Youssef might die before I do.... I don't doubt that I will look back to this time in my life as a "golden" time in our lives. Enjoying our babies and the good health that we have right now... I know that this world isn't perfect. Sin has wrecked havoc here, and there will be heart ache and pain and lose, but I don't need to hold onto the past or try to keep things the same.... or try to "get back" to a certain good place in our lives.

We trade one good thing for something worse and a bad thing for something better all through life. One job that might pay less, but give the person more time off is traded for a job that pays more but then free time is limited. One time period in our life with certain friends is traded for another season of life with other people. The blessings and hardships ebb and flow in our lives yet one thing is constant. God is good.

I don't need to pine for the past or be discontent until something is accomplished in the future because ---- I can trust God to bring other blessings as He always has.

Even if (or when) I come to that point in my life where everything is taken away. (Health? Children? Husband? Family? Friends?) I can choose to praise God, and I can practice that right now in the tiny things that are all around me.

There is ALWAYS something to thank God about. Even if every worldly thing is taken from us we know that Jesus will never leave us or forsake us.

(List of blessings, a continuation.)

#1. Toys scattered all over my small living room and the kids books overflowing from the book shelf.

#2. Rainbows dancing on the wall as my girls try to catch them.

#3. The baby trying to tell me something in little "grunt" sounds and after I give her the binky (which is what she wanted) she continues to grunt while she sucks to emphasize it's importance.

#4. Grace's laughing trusting eyes as she watches me from her stroller/carseat.

#5. Sunshine illuminating the window art that Lily and I colored the other day.

#6. Watermelon!!!

#7. Youssef coming home happy and saying, "Did I tell you that I love my job?" :}

#8. Setting the table for a dinner of super yummy pork chops and baked beans while listening to a sermon together!

#9. The "Privacy" screen that I've always wanted and finally got when we moved here which works SO well to give Youssef a place to dump his stuff! Marital peace comes in many forms. ;]

#10. Bottles of water half full and frozen to take on any outing!

#11. Pink and purple tea party cups on a little table with crumbs and milk spilled in dribbles.

#12. Sending texts to my sweet husband whenever I want. :}

#13. Grace grunting through the baby-monitor to tell me to come pick her up! :}:}:}

creating "normal"

My days are not well ordered or scheduled. I will probably always do school in the summer with my kids when they are young because we'll take so many random breaks in the year, but... perhaps I'm getting old enough to realize that our family doesn't have to look like others and our "schedule" doesn't need to be according to someone elses standards. Maybe we wake up a little more slowly than some, but the rhythm of our life is falling into place and starting to roll into what everyone needs.

Lily plays with Grace for me when I need to finish something in the kitchen and is a big help in that way. I'm sure as Grace gets older this will get even better!
I made GF bread the other day after Lily had placed all her alphabet pieces on the floor. They are actually quite comfortable to walk on.
I often listen to sermons here while I do dishes or clean or scrapbook, or I'll listen to a midday connection depending on what's on that day.
The girls LOVE to paint. They paint with watercolors or acrylics or with water like this picture shows. I like to get coloring books and other art supplies for them at dollar stores.

Sometimes we'll take a break to paint fingernails and toenails!
Grace often sleeps in her bouncer (I usually put her to sleep and then lay her in it.) She's very used to listening to sermons and the girls noise while she sleeps. I try to have her asleep before I start school with Lily.
With school right now I've just been starting with reading her one of the Bible stories (that have questions at the end.) Lily really enjoys it and Renna listens in too. My favorite moment was when we'd read the story of when God gave the Israelites the ten commandments and at the end one of the questions was "Who are we supposed to love the most" (or worded close to that) and Renna says, "JESUS!" That's RIGHT! I loved how she knew that even though the story didn't say Jesus (it said The Lord God) because we'd been talking about these things throughout the days previously. If nothing else, I'm glad she gets that part. :}

Lily colors while I read her the Bible story (And practices writing the capitol and lowercase of the letter she's coloring. She's gone through one whole set of print outs and now is onto these,) and I'll usually read a story from another book as well. We are in the fairytale book right now, but have gone through two other compilation type books like "A treasury for four year olds"
It always seems like Grace wakes up while we are in the middle of things and likes to grunt in her little baby fashion to distract us from the next part of sounding out the letters.
Lily has the sounds of the letters down really well, but it's just a matter of being confident to take that knowledge and sound out a word. I started using the flash cards to spell the word out first (since she was already so good at the flashcards and liked them!) and once she'd say the sounds individually (in order) it was easier for her to feel confident enough at reading the short "a" sound words and spelling them. She is SUCH a little wiggle worm that she almost drives me crazy with her fiddling. We have to sit at the kid size table to help some with this so the writing height is easier for her penmenship. I was using a sticky note to go under the word she was doing to help her focus and she'd constantly try to scribble on it or bend it or fiddle with it in SOME way! It was driving me a little crazy so after every five to seven words that she'd sound out and comprehend and then write, I'd help her work on a puzzle.

Lily absolutely loves puzzles and she's really VERY good at them! I think it helps her to think of reading like a puzzle. She knows all the pieces and just needs to put them together when she reads. I help her do the edge pieces after she works on some of her words and back and forth till she had 20 words done for the day and then she gets to finish her puzzle.
I don't have a set time for these activities yet, but I'd *like* to do her school earlier in the morning. It hasn't happened like that much though depending on how the baby is and how tired I am in the mornings. Grace loves to kick and kick! My other two weren't like this and I had a toy for them that they didn't like... I think Grace would have really liked it though! Something or anything that she could kick would be right up her alley. No wonder I felt her move so soon! She was doing some major swimming. ;]
I've been trying to do a story time with the girls each day as well. Planning to read at least three books in the afternoon. We've got LOTS of books! And have been going to the library every week, so it's not hard to pick some out. Lily is SUCH a little mover that she likes to climb up behind me on the couch to see the books. I'm thinking of getting her some play dough so she has something to do with her hands when we are going to read. She really does love to listen though, and I'm the same way... I really like having something to do when I listen and can listen much better if my hands are busy knitting or sewing or something. (If my hands aren't doing anything my mind wanders.)
Often our afternoons might look like this as well. We made a "look out" that turned into an enchanted castle (notice the stacked blocks and the pink? That makes it a castle)
This last picture was at dinner time. We were all sitting at the table (that is now almost always set nicely!) and the Daddy gets to enjoy the little baby! He and I have been listening to a sermon together while he comes home from work and I'm making dinner at the same time. Then when he's here we finish listening to it while we eat. After dinner comes more girl time with the Daddy while I clean up or take care of the babe. We sort of switch off holding or putting Grace to sleep while the other helps the girls do something. They like to play video games with Daddy (especially a princess Wii game!) or go swimming together.

None of this is exactly in order too much because the order often changes each day, but I see improvements in how our "normal" is getting to be how we want it to be. If we go somewhere every day OR take Lily swimming then she seems to be more content for the day since she's "gotten out"... right now it feels like far too much to do for me. I'd rather stay in and read or do something quiet, but it's important to give Lily enough activity since she is such an active kid and putting up with being in a tiny apartment. I'm not used to the morning being the time to get out and swim or shop though! Mornings in WA were chilly and I'd always wait till afternoon, but here it's much better to plan on getting out around 9 and back by 11. I'm still working on that.

I get discouraged sometimes when I see our days not being what I'd fully like them to be. Or be a day like today where a bunch of little things went wrong that just added unnecessary work and time. I broke a glass at one point, I spilled a bunch of milk two other times today, and over all was just tired and short on patience. But... we got school done and I managed to get the grocery shopping in for the week. I was upset to have gone over budget by 9 dollars (because it could have been easily prevented if I'd been paying better attention,) yet I need to look at how things are improving and not be discouraged that I'm not totally there yet. Cleaning the toilet was my one "scheduled" cleaning thing to do for today. I thought I could remember "toilet Tuesday" well enough.. and I did... all day.. but never got around to actually cleaning them. But I need to remind myself (again) to just keep going forward. I was reading "Anne of Avonlea" today (while nursing the baby) and read this---

"Oh, I don't know. I've come so far short in so
many things. I haven't done what I meant to do when
I began to teach last fall... I haven't lived up to my ideals."

"None of us ever do." said Mrs. Allan with a sigh. "But then,
Anne, you know what Lowell says, 'Not failure but low aim is
the crime.' We must have ideals and try to live up to them, even
if we never quite succeed. Life would be a sorry business without
them. With them it's grand and great. Hold fast to your ideals, Anne."

I often don't live up to my ideals, but perhaps that isn't the point. And at least we did the major stuff.. we did do school and other important things (like make chocolate chip cookies!) ... I'm pretty sure my kids are going to appreciate having me read to them more than if I actually cleaned the toilet consistently every week. I at least made sure Renna flushed it so the cat had clean water to drink from. That's something right?! :}



(In case you are wondering... yes, we just have a really weird cat that likes to drink from the toilet. And yes, he has a really expensive 'fountain' water dish... but he prefers the toilet over it. Don't ask me why.) ;]